Mission: Saying no

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Concept

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Expectations

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Challenge

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Steps

| Concept

One of the most important things you can do to allow for more time richness is to be able to say no to the kinds of things that do not excite you and are not priorities for you in your current life. This mission refines our skills in keeping boundaries, practising your ability to say no gracefully and without feeling anxious.

The more you manage to say no to the things you don't want, the more you give yourself the chance to say yes to the things that you actually want to do, that feel productive to you. Ultimately, as you rinse and repeat this process of eliminating the things that are not you, and replacing them slowly with things that come from your deeper sense of purpose, you will feel more aligned. It will feel like the time that you are passing through right now actually matters and makes a difference. It will be time that is really yours.

| What to Expect

If this has been a success for you for a while, pick things that are slightly harder for you to say no to, and circumstances that are more difficult or emotionally loaded. Do not jump in straight at the deep end. But do give yourself slightly higher challenges from time to time. Feel ready to negotiate, if the other person, group or institution does not want to take your no for an answer. You may negotiate for your no to turn into an “only sometimes”, which would be a win anyway. However, remember you may also stand your ground, keep the no and use other things to negotiate - only offer to do things that you do enjoy, and you were probably going to want to do anyway. 

Saying no will show you that other people can step up to the plate and do the work you cannot do. It will be slightly disconcerting but definitely very relaxing to see how others can do without your help, and without you sacrificing your every minute of time. It will also open up some time opportunities for you. You will discover little pockets of time here and there that you didn’t know you had. 

All these little pockets of time can then be united, and used toward the things you want to say YES to. 

 

See blogpost Saying no to say yes to things that matter to you.

| Challenge

1. You will pick some types of things that would feel okay saying no to, and could save you some time. Initially pick things you are (almost) comfortable with refusing, even if you think the time saving is not that large. These can be invitations from your neighbours, activities you do not enjoy so much with your friends, little tasks at work that you think are beneath your pay grade, or that you would like not to be allocated in the future.

2. You will then proceed to think of a way in which you could say no gracefully, and calmly. Think of the words, think of the attitude.

3. Rehearse how you will say no. Just a few times. Make it easy and auto-pilot. 

3. Then, when the time comes, say those words in a warm and calm voice to the other person, without making a big deal out of it. Stand your ground. 

4. Negotiate a better deal for yourself if the other person can't completely take your no.

 

| Setting Challenge Steps

Select how many times you wish to practice the skills in this challenge in order to build a habit around them.

After completing this challenge you will gain skills and earn a badge for your profile.

I will practice this exercise times.
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